Christmas presents, for irresponsible niece.?

12 comments

1. 

   Emily C on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   You sound like a very generous and caring person, and I think you are absolutely right to say no.

   You have already offered to essentially wipe away her debts and pay them all off for her a year ago, but she decided not to accept this very, very generous offer.

   It is not her money, and much as she thinks it is unfair that you will offer her financial help on your terms, and not hers, it is your money, and I think you made the right decision. It sounds like she has little intention of paying you back in gratitude or with the money itself, and that she is having a little temper tantrum in order to get you to continue financing her selfish and debt-creating spending.

   I would carry on with no apology. You are still generous enough to send her a gift for birthdays and christmas, and if I treated any of my family like that, they certainly would not send me any gifts of any kind, so you are being more than generous!

   As others have said before me, it is your money, so she does not have the right to demand that you dole out the cash everytime she gets in a spot, or complain that you support charity.
   I might also point out that the money you so generously give to charity goes to needy people and children who have little or nothing, whereas your neice sounds like your typical greedy consumer who just enjoys the finer things and lives far beyong their means.

   I would not worry about her, which I’m sure is the reason you have helped her out so much previously. She will either finally realise that is her problem to deal with and start acting like a sensible adult, or she will have to declare bankruptcy and deal with the consequences. Either one of those is not life threatening and will teach her a valuable life lesson!

2. 

   John R on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   Chocolates and FLowers

3. 

   A on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   This is a difficult position you are in. What it boils down to, however, is that the money is yours and not your niece’s. The fact that she is trying to control how YOU are using your money suggests that she is not willing to curtail her spending sprees and is simply counting on you to pay fro everything.

   I, personally, would have been offended by your niece’s reaction and found it out of order. I think you ought to buy her an actual present (what does she normally spend her money on?) rather than giving her money- if she realizes she cant depend on you for getting her out of every tight spot she gets herself into, hopefully she’ll become more responsible and will start becoming slightly more independent- looking for an aunt/niece role in you, and will not just picture you as a bank.

4. 

   ez80227 on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   you are what is known as a codependent
   stop "helping"her and just tell her you love her but she needs to learn responsibility before it’s too late.
   if you really want to help, invest in an ira which she can’t open until she’s 65 (you’re the primary and she is the dependent)

5. 

   lenny on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   Let her be mad make her learn that caring is more important then money. and let her go bankrupt and don’t try to help. your a nice aunt to do that mine aunts would let me go broke and be in the ditch before they would even try to help. no you not wrong you have a good heart but you need to worry about yourself and not her.

6. 

   pinkbunnygorawr on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   She has a job and defiantly need to be settled down.Tell her no more Prada or Gucci and pay the darn bills now.She have absolutely no right to be taking money from people if she know she not going to pay it back.Really my advice is to tell her to get a second job or else lower down on that budget.That is freaking ridiculous and I would make sure she paid me back before she buy another piece of clothing.

   THAT GIRL IS OUT OF HER GOT DANG MIND!!!

7. 

   hope4all on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   get her a c.o.d. at a bank she might not like it but she will love it in like 10 years time. but make it to where she can’t get any early money from it

8. 

   Master T on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   Join the club when it comes to irresponsible nieces and nephews.

   While I am not as generous as you have been, I look at what I have done for my nieces and nephews and wish that I had an uncle like me when I was young. I bought them numerous US Savings Bonds. Even bought them shares of preferred stocks. Every birthday and Christmas, and often in between, I have sent them packages with decent gifts that I thought their parents might not get them, but they would still want as teenagers. Guess what? For the past two years I get zero acknowledgement of the gifts I send.

   I know exactly how you must feel. You WANT to do something. And it HURTS you to do nothing. But let me tell you, I feel that pain right now…and as much as I want to send some gifts to my nieces and nephews for Chirstmas this year, I am not. This is the point where I simply cut the strings and become like every aunt or uncle that I had in my life while growing-up. They were nice to be, but never gifted me anythiny. If you have any self-respect, you will do the same.

9. 

   Jen-Jo on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

   Give her………..NOTHING

10. 

    milton b on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    You are absolutely correct to not enable this woman any longer. Your niece has learned nothing about financial responsibility and giving her money will not make her more responsible. What you do with your money is your business, you earned the money it is yours to use as you wish. If you niece is unhappy because she expects more money then that will have to be her problem.

11. 

    david on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    the answer "no"was a sharp shock blow to the system obviously she was extracting the michael from you but she has to stand on her own two feet i learnt the hard way too i must admit buying fancy designer stuff cars etc etc credit cards you name it and blew it my father bailed me out i have since repayed everthing back and have a comfortable lifestyle just being the normal joe bloggs and not the rich person i thought i was i knew if i carried on the way i was my dad wouldnt bail me again he said no way he would so i must say its cruel to be kind even if it does hurt she would justb carry on as normal leaving yourself to financial ruin without a care in the world if she paid off the credit cards that would just give her more credit rating to go deeper in debt so my hat goes off to you even if does hurt they do say charity starts at home but in your case youve chosen the right path to follow hope this is sound advise from what was a potential loser probably still am haha
    remember "its cruel to be kind"
    ps any chance of a sub(joking)
    hope you have a happy xmas
    she shouldnt be mad at you she should be glad tell her"im sorry my dear but the well has run dry"and say a prayer for her down at church it worked for my parents

12. 

    Rebecca on March 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    first,
    no, you are not wrong

    she should understand that she got herself into that rut and she has to get herself out of it
    she shouldn’t expect it to be gone in a snap of a finger because of her aunt

    also, she should appreciate that you were caring enough to people who can’t even afford what she has

    i’d suggest something simple:
    a bouquet of flowers to her house or one of those edible arrangements